just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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