btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
