next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
