I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
