Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
