no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
