The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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