That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
