Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
