So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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