then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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