allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
