spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
