someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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