it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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