my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
