You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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