My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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