I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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