Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
