he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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