so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
