He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
