I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
