2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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