I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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