I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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