the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
