If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
