Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
