I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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