The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
