ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
