I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
