i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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