I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
