we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
