I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
