Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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