I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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