i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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