I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
