She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The air was thick with penises
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
