She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
