Porn is love you can see.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
