Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
