the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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