he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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