why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
