I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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