My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
