If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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