Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
