is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
