Umm I'm too high to move.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
