i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
