Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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