alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
