I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
